Friends

I find it particularly challenging (and rewarding) to 'read' my children to the point that they feel safe, loved, secure.... heard. I have to admit though, I have not been doing such a great job of it lately. I feel the last couple of weeks I have disconnected from really concentrating on this process. However... even with that said, I have to say that I *realize* this. I have come to the realization that this has happened and have been trying hard to regroup myself. Get back on track and hopefully assist my kiddos in the same process.

Maybe I was consumed with the outside world and what should be for us. With out focusing on the inside... and what really is good for us. This week we took a full day and putzed around the zoo. It's been awhile that we have not been on constant playdates or activities and this day at the zoo was remarkable. It felt like we were breathing each other in again.

Today was a particularly busy day where we left in the AM and did not return till the evening. Normally on these days, I feel like chicken with its head cut off. It's daunting on me to continuously have something and not taking time to breath. Today felt different. It was thoroughly enjoyable... and most pleasant.

Analyzing what I feel like I *should* be providing for my kids and myself, with out really stepping back and realizing what we really want and enjoy. I think we all sort of fall into this category though. Society has such high expectations about what is and what should be, that it can be very challenging to separate yourself from that. I was, admitedly, getting caught up in what I "should" do that I was disconnected with what they were telling me they need.

An example... I have been overly cosumed with finding Kaidin some older boys to hang out with. I have noticed that some of his younger friends that he's had for quite some time... he is just not getting along with very well lately. Not that it's horrible, but he's more irritable at times. Why would I think he needs new friends? He has constantly told me that he does not want to make new friends (at least that's what he says right now). And he has not really stated that he wants to spend any more time with his current friends. So why am I hung up on this? Why am I so concerned that something more is needed?

Good question right? So... I guess I am talking this out right now. I am over doing it and not just letting him be in his moment right now.

This parenting thing sure is a life-altering journey... There absolutely was no telling that having kids would just completely bring out the true inner me that truly feels as though it may have been surpressed all of these years! It's pretty scary to think that so much of what I feel is right is not at all how I had lived my life till now! I am, deep down, and truly different person, working on emerging each and every day. What a scary and yet exciting challenge!