Woohoo!

Great day for a car wash! We has such fantastic weather and we earned a whopping $128 for KidsFirst! We are a great amount of au pairs show and a pretty decent amount of cars. Of course the first time around is always a learning experience, so looking for bigger and better next year!

Seringe took the big kids to the movie to see Meet Dave. This was one that I was really willing to fore go. I love going to the movies with the kids, but this particular venue I could easily do with out. So it became a perfect outing for the kids with daddy. They also enjoyed the Ethnic Arts Festival down at the lake today.

I had my car washin' buddy with me the whole day, and did enjoy our time!

We only made it part way down to the festival after the car wash. We watched an annual bike race on our way down, therefore cutting our festival time. We were all pretty hungry and needed to head home for some grub. Tonight's cuisine was "crabby patty's and mama fries".... quite de-lish!

Saturday....

So, Karate was cancelled for today b/c all teachers were competing in the world karate champs or something along those lines. Kaidin actually seemed bummed about it. As of late, he did not seemed as enthused about karate, but today he really wanted to go.... go figure.

Having Seringe home is very lovely in the AM's. He is so great to take lil' man for as long as he allows for me to catch a few more z's. Today I got a full hour more before he wanted to come nursin' and even then I was lucky enough to get nearly a half hour more! Quite lovely.

After taking a shower and settling Mr. McGoo with Seringe, I took Dahlia over for skating. Unfortunately, it was not well planned out by all of us. We thought it be easier for all for the boys to be at home, but of course, this was the one day that Shea wanted to nurse during skating class! So we ended up cutting class very short and heading home... in tears of course. I felt horrible.... for everyone. Seringe was sure he'd be fine. Dahlia wanted to be in class so badly....

Oh well.... I did promise to take her to public skate this week to make up for it. All works out as it should. (I do see her needing more mama-time lately.... she is 'herself' when that time is put in the schedule regularly.)

After everyone had settled from the mild trauma, we made bows and arrows. Our contraptions entailed taking the longest kitchen spoons possible, mommy's rubber-like headbands, and the cardboard sticks of the bottom of the hangers you get from a cleaners. Quite clever if I do say so myself!

During the afternoon I locked myself in the bedroom for a short period trying out this 'new' position with work. It's very sales-oriented and I'm not diggin' it. Most of all, I'm not diggin' the phone time involved.... I can only do it when Seringe's around to help with kiddos, and when Seringe's around, it's family time, in my book. So this just is not jiving with me. But I did tell work I'd give it a try for this weekend, and that's what I was trying.

Since I worked on that for longer than I thought, we were all feelin' lazy about cooking, so we ordered a pizza. Yum! We all love pizza. While waiting for that, we had archery lessons. Quite cool that the contraptions were working enough for them to aim and shoot at things! During archery we found King Kong on the TV and all activity seized. That was very captivating to all. We all snuggled up and watched....

That was our day. Pizza arrived shortly and after we got ready for bed, read books, and slept. I'm up.... again.... putzin' around on the computer. Why do I feel the need to stay up to do stuff when I really could get a great night's sleep?! = ) I do enjoy the quiet of the night... find myself to be a night-owl and a horrible morning person. Despite my kiddos being morning people up at the crack of dawn, I don't know that that will ever change about me!

Car wash tomorrow! Fingers crossed for no rain!

"Too Cute... "

Leaving Baker's Square this evening a woman stopped me and said.... "oh your children are TOOOOO cute!"..... "Oh thank you very much, " I replied.....

As we walked towards our car, I repeated "tooo cute!"..... "What do you think?"

Kaidin replies, "Mommy I'm too old to be cute! I'm COOOOLLLL!"

Today's Song Lyrics....

ala Dahlia.....

"Gitchy gitchy goo, I love you, my heart starts stopping, gitchy gitchy goo..."

repeat.... repeat.... repeat....

You get the idea = )

Gardening...

Yesterday Dahlia and I had some wonderful mommy-daughter time taking care of a friend's garden. They are out of town and asked that we stop by to water it once this weekend and pick some peas for ourselves. We had a blast!

As the hours past and we picked bundles and ooshles of peas, watered the entire garden plot and made mud pies we felt we worked so hard that we definitly needed to get some ice cream!

We were hanging out in the car having a snack and awaiting the nursing of Mr. McGoo when Dahlia says:

"You know what mommy?"
"What?"
"When I grow up, first I'm going to be a grown up"
"Hmm"
"Then I'm going to be old, and then have a baby.......... and then go home. That's it."

What more is there, eh? = )
It was quite cute!

How to Screw Up Unschooling

http://sandradodd.com/screwitup

LOVE IT!

Father's Day comin' up!

We are working on daddy's special t-shirt that has become an annual event with Father's Day.... This is this year's photo!!! What luck, eh?

Happy Birthday Big "D"!

She's had a pretty big month! First we had 'caved' and bought the birthday bike early b/c we ha been having such awesome weather, we just could not wait till the end of the month!!!

Then... a Chucky-Cheese birthday with Uncle Phil and Aunt Jess b/c they were taking off for Asia before the big day! So they wanted to celebrate with her early...

Then.... she had a fun party with Grandpa which included a viewing of the new movie Speedracer in the theater (I'd recommend waiting for the dvd = ) And then lunch out and about. It was a fun afternoon! And then finally, she had "the" day celebrated with us and Grandma at Leona's. Was quite a pleasant afternoon despite her just getting over a roaring ear infection and not being up to tip-top speed. But she seemed to enjoy!

And then....

The big "S" man is 5 weeks old today! He's been growing amazingly fast. Has turned over already!!! And a nursing-mania-little-man! Everyone is so over-the-top in love! = )

And other fun stuff going on is tracing U.Phil and A.Jess' travels all over the world!

Check them out: http://hp3ba.smugmug.com/

And of course we can not forget the recent karate-kid's belt test! We have now advanced to the green stripe!

Celebrating Unschooling

~Make some ATC's with your family: http://www.cedarsee d.com/air/ atc.html

~Blow up a bunch of balloons and make up games with them as you go.Fill some with water. DRaw faces on some. Ooh...FREEZE one with waterin it to make a huge ice ball!

~Read some unschoolers blogs: http://theparenting pit.com/http://sandradodd. blogspot. com/http://www.xanga. com/juliepersons

~Subscribe to an unschooling publication: http://connections. organiclearning. org/http://www.livefree learnfree. com/http://www.lifelear ningmagazine. com/

~Read Dr. Suess books in a VEeerrryy animated voice, especially "Whatwas I scared of?" (pale, green pants)

~Try to get marbles out of a pan of ice with your feet.

~Start an insect collection, not the dead kind, the kind you have tofeed and take care of.:)

~Go for a walk someplace new

~Have a water fight

~Grow a sunflower house to hide in: http://www.rain. org/~philfear/ sunflowerhouse. html

~Don't wonder if you're child "should" be learning ANYTHING this week.Just live. And be. And suck every bit of joy out of every singlemoment together. Because you can.

To all parents!

For All My Favorite Moms by Anna Quindlen, NewsweekColumnist and Author

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrowbut in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what Ihave today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am,one closing in fast. Three people who read the samebooks I do and have learned not to be afraid ofdisagreeing with me in their opinion of them, whosometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until Ichoke and cry, who need razor blades and shower geland privacy, who want to keep their doors closed morethan I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom,zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouthall by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought forthe bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, thebaby is buried deep within each, barely discernibleexcept through the unreliable haze of the past.Everything in all the books I once poured over isfinished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. BerryBrazelton, Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry andsleeping through the night and early-childhoodeducation, all grown obsolete. Along with GoodnightMoon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered,spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flippedthe pages dust would rise like memories. What thosebooks taught me, finally, and what the women on theplayground taught me, and the well-meaning relations--what they taught me, was that they couldn't reallyteach me very much at all.Raising children is presented at first as a true-falsetest, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, faralong, you realize that it is an endless essay. No oneknows anything. One child responds well to positivereinforcement, another can be managed only with astern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trainedat 3, his sibling at 2. When my first child was born,parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly sothat he would not choke on his own spit-up. By thetime my last arrived, babies were put down on theirbacks because of research on sudden infant deathsyndrome.To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty isterrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you mustlearn to trust yourself. Eventually the research willfollow. I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr.Brazelton's wonderful books on child development, inwhich he describes three different sorts of infants:average, quiet, and active. I was looking for asub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did notwalk. Was there something wrong with his fat littlelegs? Was there something wrong with his tiny littlemind? Was he developmentally delayed, physicallychallenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China.Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine.He can walk, too.Every part of raising children is humbling, too.Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all beenenshrined in the "Remember-When-Mom-Did" Hall of Fame.The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language,mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed.The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. Thenightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The daywhen the youngest came barreling out of the classroomwith a 98 on her geography test, and I responded,"What did you get wrong?" (She insisted I includethat.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald'sdrive-through speaker and then drove away withoutpicking it up from the window. (They all insisted Iinclude that.) I did not allow them to watch theSimpsons for the first two seasons. What was Ithinking?But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most ofus make while doing this. I did not live in the momentenough. This is particularly clear now that the momentis gone, captured only in photographs. There is onepicture of the three of them, sitting in the grass ona quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summerday, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember whatwe ate, and what we talked about, and how theysounded, and how they looked when they slept thatnight. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get onto the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish Ihad treasured the doing a little more and the gettingit done a little less. Even today I'm not sure whatworked and what didn't, what was me and what wassimply life. When they were very small, I suppose Ithought someday they would become who they werebecause of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simplygrew into their true selves because they demanded in athousand ways that I back off and let them be. Thebooks said to be relaxed and I was often tense,matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top.And look how it all turned out. I wound up with thethree people I like best in the world who have donemore than anyone to excavate my essential humanity.That's what the books never told me. I was bound anddetermined to learn from the experts.It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.

It's a Boy!!!

So, once again a long haitus since I have written. I spent much of April giving the kids 110% with the anticipation of the arrival of little peanut. I was so sure he would come early too! Instead.... one day late. What can I say, all on his own time. But what a fantastic labor and delivery. I hate to say it was "easy", I mean... dare I say? But it was SO much different than the other two, and it went by very very quickly.

It was about 4am on May 1st that contractions started. This time I knew it was not the 'fake'-me-out kinda labor pains. This was it.... however not in any regular patterns off the bat. It wasn't till about 6am that 10-11 min. contractions started regularly and we were well on our way.... with in an hour we were down to 5-7 min. apart with a random 3min. or 10 min. thrown in there. But progressing pretty well. I actually had nice breaks between the contractions where I actually wondered if this was really it.

It was about 7:30a when I called mom to let her know, "this is it"... I bathed the kids and myself, and let them know today was the day! It was bout 8:30a that I spoke with one of the midwives and she said to come in whenever I felt the need to. It was about that time that I called my brother to come by in the next hour or so and we'd see how things were going. By about 10a, dad came with Seringe, whom he had picked up from work and driven home. And around that time P showed as well. And all about that time I was getting really worried that maybe this thing was stopping! YIKES!

Fortunately with three adults home for the kids, I could now concentrate on getting things going for me and baby. I did stairs.... nothing. Walked a ton.... nothing. So I tried crouching over the side of the bed. Knees on floor and leaning forward over the bed with a rocking motion.... AH HA! This did it! 5 min. apart for a good hour and I was sure it was time to get going to the hospital.

Called mom to tell her we were on our way. Called the midwife to let her know the same. By the time we got in the car and on the way, we dropped to 3-4 min. apart. When we arrived... man the L&D ward was hopping! We got the very last room available in there!

Nurse Tina walked in just as we did and were so BLESSED to have her assist with the birth. Debbie came in to check on me and low and behold... I was 7-8 cm. along, completely effaced, and baby was nearly at 0. (Frankly, I had been bracing myself for far worse b/c the labor just really did not seem "that bad".... )

Well.... speak too soon? Yes, I guess in so many words I did b/c that last 1.5 hours was by far the biggest, loudest moment of the entire process. We have some funny pic's of the kids covering their ears. = ) But with in an hour and half of arriving, getting checked, getting on a birthing ball, and pushing.... little boy Jarjusey was born into this world! Big brother and big sister experienced the entire process, and we as a family were home that evening with an "as immediate as possible" discharge. Nonetheless, we were home by 9p that evening, all snuggled together in bed!

What a day!

Mr. Shea Seringe Jarjusey

Born Thursday, May 1st, 2008 at 1:21pm

9 lbs. 1 oz. and 20.5 in. long

What a beautiful boy! We are just all so blessed!

Recent ' Doing's ' ...

News to ponder...

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19212514

Friends

I find it particularly challenging (and rewarding) to 'read' my children to the point that they feel safe, loved, secure.... heard. I have to admit though, I have not been doing such a great job of it lately. I feel the last couple of weeks I have disconnected from really concentrating on this process. However... even with that said, I have to say that I *realize* this. I have come to the realization that this has happened and have been trying hard to regroup myself. Get back on track and hopefully assist my kiddos in the same process.

Maybe I was consumed with the outside world and what should be for us. With out focusing on the inside... and what really is good for us. This week we took a full day and putzed around the zoo. It's been awhile that we have not been on constant playdates or activities and this day at the zoo was remarkable. It felt like we were breathing each other in again.

Today was a particularly busy day where we left in the AM and did not return till the evening. Normally on these days, I feel like chicken with its head cut off. It's daunting on me to continuously have something and not taking time to breath. Today felt different. It was thoroughly enjoyable... and most pleasant.

Analyzing what I feel like I *should* be providing for my kids and myself, with out really stepping back and realizing what we really want and enjoy. I think we all sort of fall into this category though. Society has such high expectations about what is and what should be, that it can be very challenging to separate yourself from that. I was, admitedly, getting caught up in what I "should" do that I was disconnected with what they were telling me they need.

An example... I have been overly cosumed with finding Kaidin some older boys to hang out with. I have noticed that some of his younger friends that he's had for quite some time... he is just not getting along with very well lately. Not that it's horrible, but he's more irritable at times. Why would I think he needs new friends? He has constantly told me that he does not want to make new friends (at least that's what he says right now). And he has not really stated that he wants to spend any more time with his current friends. So why am I hung up on this? Why am I so concerned that something more is needed?

Good question right? So... I guess I am talking this out right now. I am over doing it and not just letting him be in his moment right now.

This parenting thing sure is a life-altering journey... There absolutely was no telling that having kids would just completely bring out the true inner me that truly feels as though it may have been surpressed all of these years! It's pretty scary to think that so much of what I feel is right is not at all how I had lived my life till now! I am, deep down, and truly different person, working on emerging each and every day. What a scary and yet exciting challenge!

Wonderful Holidays

Things have been quite busy at Jarjusey Kunda. Since last I touched base, we've had plenty of playgroups, study groups, field trips, holiday shopping, playdates, classes ending and starting, a fun holiday cookie exchange and of course.... christmas!

Feeling quite broke at this time of the year, and eager to file the tax return = ) the kids are thoroughly enjoying their holiday stash. This year we had the luxury of having 3 full days of xmas. The first day was over at grandpa's for a nice xmas dinner. Then xmas eve was hosted at our place with mom and p & j. Quite a nice day. The kids were quite sad when everyone had to go home. Then xmas day we had fun with family presents and went to see a new movie that started that day. Did not have any idea that the theater would be as crowded as it was! It was so packed we could hardly belief our eyes! And here I thought I had a creative way to spend out xmas day together! = )

Since, Dahlia has started an ice skating class that she really seems to love. I am out there on the ice with her this time around, hoping she really gets the hang of things before I get too big to be out there on the ice! G'ma gave her the cutest white skates for xmas and she is eager to try them out! She has a week off of class this week, and then next week, Kaidin's karate starts up again. It will be a fun family Saturday of karate followed by ice skating. The kids (as well as Seringe!) are eager that daddy gets to come and watch them. This will be a special time for all.

Other... since it's between xmas and new year's it seems lot's of friends have traveled and classes not being held, so we are just hanging loose. Playing with our xmas goodies. Kids love their stash, and I as well. I received a new bread maker that is becoming a new thing for me. My first loaf yesterday, though did not rise as well as it should have, was still quite tasty and disappeared before the end of the day. Kaidin, I think, was the biggest fan of that first loaf. My second loaf today did not go as smoothly. I am certain there was just not enough liquid in the mixture to get the dough doughy enough to get going. At one point I just had to stop the cycle and toss it. It was lookin' pretty sad. Tomorrow I will try another, and with luck have a success. It's fun experimenting.

Also receive the magic bullet and the george foreman (serving for 4!!!). It's funny b/c I have a george that only holds 2 servings so often I would have half a dinner ready, getting cold, while I was trying to get the other half ready. Last night I was able to get all 4 turkey burgers on at one time! What a luxury!

So, trying to connect with friends that are around and in town, and working on CCAP as well as getting the carrier business going. I did not have luck with ebay in the last few weeks, so attempting to get myself together more (ie. an official carrier name, copyright and website up and running) before I start selling on ebay again. I'm eager to get that going and do hope that things take off soon.

Next week we have a second ultrasound.... OH! I guess I did not add that to my first list of what's been going on! But we had our 20 week ultrasound and that was so fun and exciting! Baby's spine was facing outward, so the dr's could not get the shots of the heart that they'd like to have at this point in time, so we need to go back in on Monday to get those pic's. Fortunately they did see a very strong heartbeat and 4 chambers, so nothing looks concering. Nonetheless they'd like to have some more shots to complete the full ultrasound screening. Soon after that, we will be trying out a new practice, of which I am very hopeful about. I am sure the switch just has to be worth it at this point in time! It's hard to believe we are more than half way through this pregnancy! Where does the time go?!

Study group is in our hands in the next week and half, and we are sort of lagging in getting things together. The kids have picked topics and seem quite happy with their decisions... Kaidin is doing cavemen and Dahlia the t-rex. We just need to get moving and out of the holiday/vacation fog that we've been pondering in and enjoying quite a bit!

Karate Kid

What a fun day... To start we woke to a beautiful winter wonderland this morning. There was a good 5-6 inches of the first snow fall on the ground and we took full advantage. Dug out the snow pants and boots and headed to the snow hill for some sledding! What a blast. The kids were flying down that hill on their own. Kaidin did such an awesome job of climbing up and down that hill himself and flinging himself down... screamin' all the way! It was so fun to see. This is definitly the first year he's enjoyed it that much! Dahlia is not quite at that full enjoyment period yet = ) ... She certainly enjoyed me flingin' her down the mountain on her sled... but at the bottom she'd yell for me to come down and get her sled. Whoa is about all I can say on that one. Belly is growing quite a bit, and baby is active, so up and down that mountain as much as I did today was quite a bit more exercise than I've had in a bit! But fun nonetheless. It was a really nice day till that wind picked up and it started to snow again!!!

We headed home for some lunch and later in the afternoon, Mr. K had his yellow-stripe belt test at karate today! He was just SO excited it's impossible to even describe. He was wonderful in class today and just beaming when they handed him that belt. He is very proud of his accomplishments, as are we all. One of those teary parent moments = )

Stress....

Maybe that's not the best word to describe things... but I am quite literally so busy I feel my head is currently swimming. It seems this way every year around Thanksgiving. We had a wonderful day at mom's. U.P. and A.J. were able to join us this year and that was quite nice to see them, since we had not since Dahlia's birthday! We were eager and excited to break the big news to them, but it turned out that mom had already sprung a leak on the newest little one baking in the oven. A really beautiful spread, as usual. Mom usually goes way out for T-giving and we enjoy to the fullest!

And then it seems after that 'official' day, the time clock starts ticking. The pressure to the get the x-mas shopping done early (which never seems to be... I am always the one in the stores the day before x-mas)! And the holiday card/ornament we send out each year. Seems like earlier and earlier I need to get these things rolling each year. = )

Let's see, karate is coming to an end and Kaidin tests for his yellow strip belt this week. He is very very excited about that! With the end of this class comes the new registration of classes for both he and Dahlia. He would like to continue with karate and Dahlia would love to do ice skating and gymnastics. Another 'to do' on the list is registration!

This past week we had a baby-check and I have finally decided this is not the best provider for us. I am very torn at what to do at this point because it seems like I can not find my 'happy medium'. Home birth offers the family-ness that I crave for this huge event, and hospital provides the 'security' I need for my psychological during the process of labor. And of course, birthing centers are non-existent in Illinois, and that would be the perfect thing I need and long for this third baby process. So.... in the midst of searching for a new provider as we are half way through at this point! Time is ticking to find 'the one' and establish a nice relationship with them before due date.

I've been trying to pour myself into my creative arts business, and have tons of things happening there. I have batiks I'm trying to sell, and a handful of mei tais. I have a t-shirt/shirt design that I would like to hammer out and get going on as well. Of course, attempting to do this admist trying to be ready for the holiday! I do feel like I have put this off for longer than I can now. As CCAP is not feeling as secure of a position lately. I am really hoping I get at least one more year out of the position, but really feeling like there is no guarantee that will happen. In that venue there are a few things this month, to include two conference calls, and an orientation, which I have never had to attend to in December of all months. So that seems like a really busy work-schedule for this time of the year.

But of course we have tons of fun things coming up. We are going to a "mad science" party this week, and a holiday cookie exchange coming up. Then there is the 20 week ultrasound where we get to see the little bugger! I am VERY excited about that one. One of my most favorite mildstones of pregnancy. I remember clearly seeing Kaidin's profile for the first time and saying "a mini Seringe!!" I knew then it was a boy, eventhough we never officially found out. I felt the exact about Dahlia's too... She was identical to Kaidin's profile, but there was something about the petite-ness of her profile that just really threw my gut into girl-mode. So I am very excited to see this little one and see what he/she may look like... who he/she will resemble. Exciting times.

This afternoon I have the luxury of 'mama's tea' and so looking forward to an hour or two of veggin' with the mama's and sippin' on something warm. We've just been hit with our first cold snow/ice storm! A nice little afternoon planned with friends! Then back to the hectic = )

All is good, can't complain! What's life if not busy (but FUN!) !?

Today was fun!

So, it's nearly 'our turn' for study group. And Kaidin is really wanting to discuss Komodo Dragons while Dahlia is really very much into the wild cat thing. She wants to read and talk about Tigers this time around... I feel part of this is stemming from her strong desire to have a pet kitty = ) But that's just mother's intuition speaking. We have opted for origami tiger finger puppets... we'll see how that activity is played out by all as we have really (really) gotten into the study of wild cats in this house and I am running out of ideas here! = )

Kaidin's adventure into Komodo Dragon's has been quite interesting. Learning a ton about a reptile I may have never given time of day to! Today we were surfing the web before leaving the house and came across a youtube video that he thought was so fantastic he wanted to put it on a dvd to watch it over and over again.

I do forewarn... this is about the nastiest thing I've ever seen... Only view if you are not easily queezy!

So after our fun filled morning of scopping out the Komodo's, we headed out of house for an adventure filled afternoon/evening. This weather has just been so miserable... affecting all of our moods. Cold and drizzly... cloudy and foggy. Today's activites were just what we needed to really have some fun. First stop was the Mitchell Museum in Evanston with our homeschool families. As much as my kiddos are really not into the study of native american indians, they really did retain a bunch of cool info and have a blast with their friends! Then it was off to Evanston's lighting of their christmas tree! Can't even believe that tree lighting now takes place before Thanksgiving! But it was quite fun despite the weather. Even caught a glimpse of Santa who came flying in on the big ol' ladder fire truck!

Spoiled Rotten? Spoiled Ripe! by Scott Noelle

Spoiled Rotten? Spoiled Ripe!
by Scott Noellehttp://www.scottnoelle.com/
Text: Sm Med Large
From Issue #4 of Transforming Parenthood
Nothing belies our culture’s negative attitudes towards children like the derogatory language we use to describe them: “terrible twos,” “little tyrant,” and of course, “spoiled.”
The word spoiled — attributed to anyone, especially a child, who gets whatever he or she wants — is a metaphor that evokes images of rotting food. Don’t ask me how this usage came about. I guess the point is that when a person is “spoiled rotten” he is deemed unfit for anything but the garbage can.
But what’s so bad about getting what you want? Isn’t getting it the whole point of wanting it? Here’s where one of our culture’s most destructive beliefs is exposed: the belief in scarcity, or the idea that there is never enough in the world to fulfill our desires, so we should desire less.
This belief is mostly unfounded, but not entirely. For example, if you want to cut down a hundred trees a day, the forest will eventually deny you that indulgence. But there is nothing overindulgent about wanting to experience love, pleasure, fun, comfort and joy. Yet we often call children (and ourselves) “spoiled” when these needs and desires are fully and unconditionally satisfied.
What’s Going On Here?
In a word: story.
The scarcity principle is one of the central stories that informs our culture and frames our perceptions. This story is told to us over and over in a thousand subtle and unsubtle ways, from sayings like “you can’t always get what you want” and “money doesn’t grow on trees” to fairy tales like Cinderella and Jack and the Beanstalk to the endless drone of TV commercials urging us to buy now, “while supplies last.” The underlying message in so many of our stories is that there’s never enough to go around, but if you’re more virtuous — smarter, stronger, more beautiful, harder working, etc. — you might just get what you want... usually at someone else’s expense.
The belief in scarcity is central to the competition mindset. We are taught to interpret every experience as a win or a loss — to believe that even games played purely for pleasure are more fun when winning is contingent on defeating opponents.
But when a baby comes into the world, she expects to win by default. That is, she expects her needs to be met, and she doesn’t expect to have to compete for them. This — the child’s first nature — runs so counter to our “second nature” enculturated belief in scarcity, that we doubt our instinct to give them all the nurturing they need and the loving attention they desire.
Mother Nature is overridden by the voice of Father Culture, which warns us that we are in danger of “spoiling” our children if we dare to give them what they want. It implores us to give less. We are told it’s our job as parents to help children get used to the idea of going without.
The baseline fear is that if we give our children what they want, they will always want more. However, this theory is rarely tested because we seldom keep giving until they are satisfied. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy because they don’t get enough opportunities to learn what “enough” feels like.
Rotting or Ripening: An Experiment
So if you ever feel like your child wants to be “spoiled,” I recommend you do a little experiment. Consciously drop all ideas of scarcity and spoilability, and fulfill the request joyfully with 100% willingness and no arbitrary limitations. Indulge in the pleasure of giving until your child feels satisfied and stops of his own accord. Be curious about how much he can take. Let the discovery of your child’s capacity to receive teach you about your own capacity to receive. Perhaps you’ll learn to let more goodness into your experience.
If you begin to exceed your own limits, then of course you should stop. Only give what you can give with integrity, from a sense of abundance. Remember that Love — the greatest gift you can ever give — is something you can never really run out of, even when other limits are reached. Love doesn’t come from you, it flows through you. So when you give love you are also receiving it.
Say YES to giving love even when you can’t or shouldn’t say yes to other things, and stay focused on that abundance.
Let me know what you discover!
Scott Noelle lives in the United States, near Seattle, with his wife Beth and their two children. A longtime advocate of conscious, holistic, instinctive, natural parenting, Scott offers telephone-based coaching to support progressive parents worldwide. His free E-zine, Transforming Parenthood, is available online at http://www.scottnoelle.com/
Web address of this article:http://www.scottnoelle.com/parenting/spoiled.htmHOME
Copyright©2005 by Scott Noelle. All Rights Reserved.

'Kid' Fun

http://www.buildyourwildself.com/

http://www.starfall.com/

http://www.yarr.org.uk/talk/

Ted

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/66_

Things We've Been Up To...

Cooking Class

Botanic Gardens

Last Possible Beach Day!

Exploring Dinosaurs! ~ Field Museum

Forest Preserve Adventure Walk

Halloween!!!

Beautiful Words To Strive For

Found this on one of my many yahoo group message boards... Resonates with me deeply... something I strive for each day of our lives together.

Danielle Conger wrote:
I think this is a common misconception, especially for those new to RU--even the name "radical" unschoolers seems to point to the idea that we're so radical because we not only let our kids do what ever they want with regard to education but that we've also thrown out all rules and limits and let them do whatever they want to do in all areas of life.I think the problem with that, besides the fact that no one gets to do whatever they want to do, is that it creates real potential for failure in family life, especially if it comes after strict control like a pendulum swing. Then, with the ensuing chaos and lack of consideration, parents throw up their hands and blame the crazy radical unschooling.Personally, the terms I find more closely allied with what we do in our family are autonomy and organic learning. We're really not"radical" people--well, yeah we are in some ways, but we're probably more flaky than anything else. *bwg* Both of those terms--autonomy and organic learning--seem to more accurately reflect the gentleness and free-form nature of how we interact. While we don't do rules, we do have personal limits and boundaries and preferences- -*all* of us,including the kids--and those are constantly being articulated,negotiated and renegotiated during our lives with each other. As one of our limits bumps up against another's desire, we have the opportunity for learning and growing--learning about each other,ourselves, communicating, stretching, thinking, problem-solving. That,to me, is one of the biggest differences between living a life with rules and living a life that respects each individual's autonomy.Sometimes, when one person bumps up against another's personal boundaries really hard, then the reaction can be just as dramatic.Certainly that's no one's goal, but it occasionally happens, just as it occasionally happens with a spouse or roommate or someone else with whom we live in close proximity. Even these moments, however, are opportunities to learn and grow. Maybe the person really crossed a line and the intensity of the reaction gives them opportunity to reflect and consider in a safe space; maybe the person who reacted was reacting to more than the immediate situation--past situations or issues perhaps bubbled to the surface, giving that person opportunity to dig back and process old issues.Communication, learning, growing, problem-solving, consideration,respect, autonomy, flexibility, trust...these are the words that describe our process, not "whatever."

Keep Tabs

http://ph.groups.yahoo.com/group/evanstonhomeschoolgroup/photos

Words to live by

"Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood." Fred Rogers 1928 - 2003

Weekend bliss....

Why can't everyday be a weekend day?
All week long, at the grind, wishing to be together and blissfully enjoying the day. Today, for instance, is a day I would gladly repeat... A chance to get an extra two hours of sleep because dear hubby gets up with the kids... A chance to play in the park with just one child, cherrishing the hardly ever experienced one-on-one time... An ice cream purchase from the spanish-only-speaking ice cream man strolling along with his wonderful little push cart with yummy icy treats... A chance to sit and watch the clouds roll over and drizzle here and there... A chance to have a fun evening, out for dinner... together! Knowing, realizing and cherrishing that forces one to recreate the pleasure of every moment in life everyday!

NEW COMPUTER

It's been such a long time since I've been in touch. So much has been happening it's been quite exciting and yet too busy to write! Where to start? Well... I was in St. Louis for a conference with CCAP and that was actually pretty fun. I was quite nervous about it because I had never slept away from the kids before, so it was nerve-wrecking at first, but soon came to enjoy my adult time away. = ) And then we had Kaidin's BIG #5 b-day! That was a BLAST! We went to Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament and what a memory that created for us all! Hmmm... OH, immediately after that SBJ was sworn in as a US citizen! That was so exciting! Then... I've been working on getting the craft site up and running and that's slowly but surely getting going. I've filled an order for 3 new slings and that was so much fun! We've been wrapping up our homeschool year with the group and that's sort of relieving to me. I am ready to move on to a new session... maybe mostly looking forward to summer... or the idea of warmth!! And lastly... just got my fun new toy! A new laptop! It's a lot of fun! = ) *Maybe* it will encourage me to keep tabs here more often!?